The Great Feline Civilization

Klay and Marla were in the workshop, tinkering with a prototype for a corn-harvesting hovercraft, when Lucas charged in. “Stop what you’re doing right now!” he cried, causing the tails of the other two to puff out with alarm.

“Jeez,” said Klay arching his back.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack,” Marla said.

“Sorry, sorry,” Lucas said. He gave them a moment to clean themselves back into a state of ease before speaking again. “Friends, I have made a monumental discovery!”

“Is it a clean-burning petrol made of dandelions?” Klay asked. “Because Glenda already figured that out this morning.”

“No, it’s much more interesting than that!” Lucas cried. He explained–he’d been out for a walk, gathering the necessary wild herbs to make the various tinctures with which nearly any ailment known to felinekind could be cured, when he felt a nap coming on. “You know how it goes,” he said.

Klay and Marla nodded; it was a fact of life that sometimes you just needed to take a nap.

“Problem was,” Lucas went on, “There was a cold wind blowing. So I snuck into a nearby cave hoping for some peace.”

“Oh no,” Marla said, “did you have a run-in with a feral bipeds again?”

“That’s just it,” Lucas said, “There was one there, but it was asleep. And based on what we know about their body temperature from the centuries old research conducted by feline scientists, I determined the warmest place to nap would be… atop said feral biped.”

Klay, who’d been cleaning out his behind, sprung to attention at hearing this. “You did not!”

“I did,” Lucas said. “And what’s more, it seemed to like it! I tried to communicate with it using the vibratory language with which we speak to the trees and the clouds and the insects, but it didn’t understand. Instead it patted me on the head and offered me something to eat.”

“This is truly amazing, Lucas,” Marla said. “What should we do first? Bring this biped and begin to educate it in the many millennia of our literature and art?”

“No, no,” Klay said. “We must teach them our various highly sustainable and humane farming techniques.”

“You’re both wrong,” Lucas said. “Think about it: what is the feline dream?”

“An entirely automated society that allows us as much time to ourselves as possible,” said Marla.

“A life allowing for unlimited rest and comfort,” Klay said.

Lucas pounded his paw on the ground. “Exactly! But even as far as we’ve come, it will still take generations and generations to achieve. What the feral bipeds offer is an immediate result. We give up our high standing within the society of the world and pretend to be helpless, affectionate little creatures, so that the feral bipeds take care of us, thus allowing us endless napping as soon as tomorrow!”

“You’re saying we should let our incredibly advanced, harmonious society crumble?” said Klay.

“That’s right,” Lucas said.

“Just so we can sleep a bit more?” Marla said.

Lucas nodded. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

Klay and Marla looked at each other. “Well, honestly it sounds like a great idea.”

“Yeah, let’s find us some of these feral bipeds,” Marla said.

And the three of them left the workshop, never to return.

Cantankerous Cats by Eduardo Ely

Eduardo Ely is an illustrator and a graphic designer from Brazil. He’s on Instagram. He’s on Twitter. It’s all very straightforward on its own, but if you look at it in the greater context–by which we mean, when you consider that last week’s artist was from England–you start to see that Mediocritee is an international endeavor. But then again, these artists sell shirts on sites across the internet. So perhaps, what we’ve really discovered here is not our global reach; rather, the true takeaway is that shirts are a universal language, one that we could harness to solve any number societal ills! And by “we” we mean “someone else.” We’re just going to try and sell some shirts. Like these ones from Brazilian artist Eduardo Ely.

The Great Feline Civilization

Klay and Marla were in the workshop, tinkering with a prototype for a corn-harvesting hovercraft, when Lucas charged in. “Stop what you’re doing right now!” he cried, causing the tails of the other two to puff out with alarm.

“Jeez,” said Klay arching his back.

“You nearly gave me a heart attack,” Marla said.

“Sorry, sorry,” Lucas said. He gave them a moment to clean themselves back into a state of ease before speaking again. “Friends, I have made a monumental discovery!”

“Is it a clean-burning petrol made of dandelions?” Klay asked. “Because Glenda already figured that out this morning.”

“No, it’s much more interesting than that!” Lucas cried. He explained–he’d been out for a walk, gathering the necessary wild herbs to make the various tinctures with which nearly any ailment known to felinekind could be cured, when he felt a nap coming on. “You know how it goes,” he said.

Klay and Marla nodded; it was a fact of life that sometimes you just needed to take a nap.

“Problem was,” Lucas went on, “There was a cold wind blowing. So I snuck into a nearby cave hoping for some peace.”

“Oh no,” Marla said, “did you have a run-in with a feral bipeds again?”

“That’s just it,” Lucas said, “There was one there, but it was asleep. And based on what we know about their body temperature from the centuries old research conducted by feline scientists, I determined the warmest place to nap would be… atop said feral biped.”

Klay, who’d been cleaning out his behind, sprung to attention at hearing this. “You did not!”

“I did,” Lucas said. “And what’s more, it seemed to like it! I tried to communicate with it using the vibratory language with which we speak to the trees and the clouds and the insects, but it didn’t understand. Instead it patted me on the head and offered me something to eat.”

“This is truly amazing, Lucas,” Marla said. “What should we do first? Bring this biped and begin to educate it in the many millennia of our literature and art?”

“No, no,” Klay said. “We must teach them our various highly sustainable and humane farming techniques.”

“You’re both wrong,” Lucas said. “Think about it: what is the feline dream?”

“An entirely automated society that allows us as much time to ourselves as possible,” said Marla.

“A life allowing for unlimited rest and comfort,” Klay said.

Lucas pounded his paw on the ground. “Exactly! But even as far as we’ve come, it will still take generations and generations to achieve. What the feral bipeds offer is an immediate result. We give up our high standing within the society of the world and pretend to be helpless, affectionate little creatures, so that the feral bipeds take care of us, thus allowing us endless napping as soon as tomorrow!”

“You’re saying we should let our incredibly advanced, harmonious society crumble?” said Klay.

“That’s right,” Lucas said.

“Just so we can sleep a bit more?” Marla said.

Lucas nodded. “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”

Klay and Marla looked at each other. “Well, honestly it sounds like a great idea.”

“Yeah, let’s find us some of these feral bipeds,” Marla said.

And the three of them left the workshop, never to return.

How affectionate is your cat on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being 'not at all' and 5 being 'very'?