The Preserves of Love, Episode 3201

BANANA stumbles into the dark living room. A light comes on. His wife, PEANUT BUTTER is waiting for him.

PEANUT BUTTER
You’re home late.

BANANA
Sorry, honey! I was… working.

PEANUT BUTTER
On what? Bananas foster?

BANANA
What’s that supposed to mean?

PEANUT BUTTER
You smell like booze, Ban-Ban. I’ve been trying to deny it, but I can’t any longer. When you disappeared in that hang-gliding mishap, I missed you every single day. But now that you’re back… well, it’s like you’re a different man.

BANANA
There’s something I need to tell you, Pea. I am a different man.

PEANUT BUTTER
What are you talking about?

BANANA
I’m not your husband. I’m his long lost brother. He was pulled from my bunch when I was still green. I’d been down on my luck, on the run from a gang of gorillas who wanted nothing more to peel me and eat me whole. So, I found out where my brother lived and came looking for him, to see if he could lend me some money. But when I heard of his disappearance, I decided: even better! I could escape into his life! So there you have it, the truth.

PEANUT BUTTER
Well, there’s something I should tell you, then, Ban-Ban. I’ve been having an affair.

BANANA
Let me guess: with that pretentious preserve–Strawberry Jam.

PEANUT BUTTER
A good guess, but wrong. It’s with Fluffer Nutter.

BANANAN
What? Isn’t that guy in an asylum?

FLUFFER NUTTER
No. I’m right behind you.

To be continued on the next episode of…

THE PRESERVES OF LOVE

Spread The Love by Jasneko

Who are the 156 luckiest people around? Those who get up every morning, check their various social medias (socials media?), and see not toxicity or anger. Instead, they are treated to a pile of pure adorableness in the form of Jasneko’s Instagram. But let’s go back to that number for a second. 156?! Can you friggin’ believe that?! Jasneko, purveyor of all things cute, has less than 200 followers! That’s a number you expect on an account your uncle made to post a selfie in order to enter a sweepstakes to win a TGIFridays gift card, not that of a kind-hearted artist and game designer! So let’s rectify this. That’s right: it’s time for a follower push. I’m following her! Are you with me?

(And if Instagram isn’t your thing, check out her website, Facebook page, and Shirt.Woot designs.)

The Preserves of Love, Episode 3201

BANANA stumbles into the dark living room. A light comes on. His wife, PEANUT BUTTER is waiting for him.

PEANUT BUTTER
You’re home late.

BANANA
Sorry, honey! I was… working.

PEANUT BUTTER
On what? Bananas foster?

BANANA
What’s that supposed to mean?

PEANUT BUTTER
You smell like booze, Ban-Ban. I’ve been trying to deny it, but I can’t any longer. When you disappeared in that hang-gliding mishap, I missed you every single day. But now that you’re back… well, it’s like you’re a different man.

BANANA
There’s something I need to tell you, Pea. I am a different man.

PEANUT BUTTER
What are you talking about?

BANANA
I’m not your husband. I’m his long lost brother. He was pulled from my bunch when I was still green. I’d been down on my luck, on the run from a gang of gorillas who wanted nothing more to peel me and eat me whole. So, I found out where my brother lived and came looking for him, to see if he could lend me some money. But when I heard of his disappearance, I decided: even better! I could escape into his life! So there you have it, the truth.

PEANUT BUTTER
Well, there’s something I should tell you, then, Ban-Ban. I’ve been having an affair.

BANANA
Let me guess: with that pretentious preserve–Strawberry Jam.

PEANUT BUTTER
A good guess, but wrong. It’s with Fluffer Nutter.

BANANAN
What? Isn’t that guy in an asylum?

FLUFFER NUTTER
No. I’m right behind you.

To be continued on the next episode of…

THE PRESERVES OF LOVE

Best sandwich: